“I think to myself, therefore I am.” —René Descartes, not the actual quote.
This week I’ve been reading Dreyer’s English, which is densely filled with editing tips on grammar, clarity, and style. From among the many tips in his section for fiction writers (and copy editors), I was taken by his caution against overexplaining everyday gestures. For example, I nod my head—not other body parts. So why not simplify and say: I nodded. I shrug my shoulders—and there aren’t any other body parts you think of if you hear that I shrugged. And finally, I think to myself—I can’t think to anyone else. Dreyer suggests cutting it down to “I think.” These simple edits in a text would look like this:
· He nodded his head in agreement. > He nodded.
· She shrugged her shoulders. > She shrugged.
· I think to myself, Where did the time go? > I think, Where did the time go?
· I think to myself, What a wonderful world. > I think, What a wonderful world. (Okay, here you may see the difference between lyrics and prose writing. This worked better the first way when Louis Armstrong sang it.)
These tips may not be a fit for every writer and every style of writing, but they are nonetheless approachable, simple tweaks that unclutter a piece of writing. A copy editor’s role is to notice these types of redundant phrases that the writer may have missed and, by doing so, give them the opportunity to think more consciously about their writing.
And what about those times when your character can think at someone else, rather than to themselves? I copyedited a YA novel about mind reading and high school, and the characters did just that. Read the full plot of Mysterious Ways here. This book is also featured on my Projects page.
Pencil image created using Bing AI’s DALL-E 3, January 17, 2024.
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